Poppa Large

SAHD LIFE

illiterate but cute
As promised, an update on my SAHD experiences:

It's been three months now since Sam went back to work and it fell to me to look after L's daycare.

I'll fully admit: it's been challenging, especially the first few weeks where I had a very hard time adjusting from my previous independent lifestyle to being beholden to L's whims, compounded by my inability to read her little mind to figure out what she wanted/needed. (I've felt like I've gotten better at that actually).

The sacrifice in time, for me, has been the hardest thing to do, both in terms of adjusting my personal expectations but it's also impacted my time to work on other projects (I work out of my home and on a flexible schedule but parenthood most definitely has limited my options of when and where I can get my projects done).

I admit...Sam and I broke down (really, I broke down) and we hired a PT nanny to come in. I wish I had some great stories to share about the nanny-find process but nothing was very dramatic. We posted to Craigslist, got a bunch of responses, picked the ones we liked and ended up with "Iris," a young, 20-something nanny who takes classes in the morning and then comes by to our apartment 2-3 times a week, for four hour shifts. My mother-in-law comes through once a week as well.

Now - if you do the math, you'll note that I get help at least three days a week and Sam was able to work from home once a week up until recently, when her company revoked the privilege from everyone on staff (bastards!) So really, Fridays, and sometimes Thursdays, were the only days where I had L the entire day, on my own and that's not really too tough, right?

Yet, I find myself counting down the clock everyday until Iris or my MIL can come through to free me up to get back to my work. And I admit, this is really important to me, to have some sense of control over my time. Like many parents though, I have guilt issues over putting my needs over that of taking care of my daughter.

On the flipside, as everyone also said - it's just as important that I be a happy parent as a present parent and if getting time to myself makes me happier to spend time with L, then that's all the better. In theory.

What will be challenging is that as L gets older and is more aware, she'll want to interact even more and won't be happy if I slide her onto an activity pad or put some toys in front of her and hope that occupies her. On one level, I'm very much excited to see L come into her own intellectually and physically. On the other hand, it also means I need to really be able to focus on her and not be all ADD in trying to integrate her into the rest of my life while mulit-tasking 20 other things. Brave new world? Or just a scary one? Ask me again in a year or so.

Meanwhile, our current problem has been that L's sleep patterns have taken a turn for the worse. She had been sleeping around 6-7 hours a night (straight) but these days, we're lucky if we can get 5 from her and many nights, she'll go down for 4 hours but then every 2-3 hours after that, she'll wake up.

The being up isn't so bad but the incessant moaning is. I guess it's not really a moan per se, but it's a very loud expression that sounds rather like, "unnnnhhhhh!" like L were some Frankestein baby. We're not sure, at all, what this is about, though we surmise it might be teething. Either way, Sam and I were on the road to sleep recovery but now, it's like the first few weeks again and it's taking its toll on minds and bodies. I'm starting to nod off as we spea...zzzzzzzzz.

Posted by P.L. at 5:58 PM